Life is good

I just looked at my blog, at my EMAIL, even, after about a year... It's been a helluva long time since I blogged, and maybe thats why I'm such a mess... Blogging affords me the freedom to have a deep sigh, sit inside myself a minute and really FEEL what I am thinking about... I miss it! It's difficult to find a single person in your life that lets you just be you; all your faults, all your thoughts, all your feelings just put OUT there, with no one (and yet everyone!!) to judge you. It feels like you're just thinking out loud, getting it all out is such a relief.....

Since my last post I have had a BABY, of all things, and become completely one with myself. How can you not when you're constantly evaluating your skills (or lack thereof!), your activities, yourSELF...? It's like the eternal impossible... I have since also found an incredible source of companionship and emotional release; thank God for my current relationship. He pushes me to be more than I am, more than I thought I could ever be. Well, not EVER, I guess; afterall, I didn't go to college and get a Bachelor's degree because I thought I was a loser and would never do anything with my life. But the last couple years have knocked me down a little, literally and physically, so it's incredible to know that someone can still love you both DESPITE and in spite of all those past things.

My child is my life: SO cliche. And all this coming from someone who never in her life wanted to have the burden of caring for something that wanted your attention 24/7. Never. No thanks. I LOVVVVVED other people's kids, always. I want to eat their faces, those fricken cute little miracles....! But NEVER me. Well, now it's me. And I F-ing LOOOOVVVVEEE it! Can't imagine things any other way. And at this point in my life I am applying to Grad school, studying for the Grad school Entrance Exam, starting a daycare, running my son to and from his current daycare, working a regular job, cleaning the house, and trying to maintain my relationship. The lack of shower time might have something to do with my relationship issues, eh? :) WHOA. That's all I can say about it.....

I started to blog today because I was so fed up and tired of all this stuff... But as I wrote, I realized I love it... I thrive off of being this busy and having all these wonderful things and opportunities in my life. So nevermind all of this...life is good... :)